It was evening and the kids were in bed. I was with a couple of relatives. Ancient Aliens was on TV. The show with this guy:
The episode was discussing metals found in ancient civilizations and attributed this to – get this – aliens. At this, I let out a pedantic chuckle. I wasn’t trying to start a tiff, that’s just my knee-jerk reaction to confidently incorrect nonsense.
One of my relations then said to me, “You know, you should listen to your elders. They might know more than you do.”
Oh, snap.
As evidence of my naivete, another relation educated me on a mystical wedge: the Wedge of Aiud. This aluminum chunk was found at an excavation site in a layer of dirt that signified a time period before aluminum was invented. How did this advanced metal turn up alongside mastodon bones? It had to be time travelers or – get this – aliens. How else could one explain such a quandary?
Easy Answer
In these situations, I abide by a simple adage from “an elder”:
“When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”
– Arthur Conan Doyle
I consulted Google and solved the mystery in about five seconds.
The wedge was an excavator tooth that had fallen off during an excavation. I shared this revelation to my relation.
“Oh really? What’s your source?” they snapped back.
“I don’t need one,” I replied. “Just search for images of an excavator tooth.”
In the aftermath of this devastating truth bomb, my relatives retreated to their phones to, I hope, confirm my fact-check. For the first time in minutes, there was silence. Glorious, awkward silence that I made.
After a moment, one of my relatives said to the other, “Hey, did you see what Whitney posted?”
No one brought up the Wedge of Aiud again.
Tooth Be Told
A year after the aforementioned drama, I was running around my neighborhood and stumbled onto something comical, if only to myself:
A sign from above or – dare I say – aliens? “I must share that wedge story,” I said to no one.
I envy the elation of future generations when they stumble upon the esoteric “Wedge of Hemlock” mixed in the same rubble as a children’s playground.